Writings

I am walking by your side in all the tender and human ways

By now you may know that I ended my relationship of 30 years this past fall. It’s been the hardest movement of my life. Even divorced, I stand for forever. I stand for the power of staying. I stand for relationship as the most divine and rich road to enlightenment – as long as it is. While my ex-husband and I spent three decades creating an incredible family and life together, my rule for relationship is simple—if you’ve done couples work with me you will know this—“Am I growing and learning?” If YES, keep going.

Though my marriage was always challenging, I learned, grew, and co-created so much for which I will be forever grateful. In the end, however, I not only stopped learning but allowed my soul to be nearly crushed by a quiet kind of violence; the self-inflicted violence of staying too long, of trying too hard, of accepting so much less than my heart is capable of.

Being a helper is one of the joys of my life, and not knowing where to get my own support has been a potent lesson. I had the kind of divorce I have helped people NOT have for almost 20 years now—I needed a Lexi, and I didn’t have one. That is not to say I didn’t have other types of support, and I want to offer a sincere thank you to all of the beings, human and otherwise who have been by my side over these last months—thank you for your presence, patience and care- of me, of the land, and with the sharp learning curve I’ve been on. Whoa!

I don’t tend to share this way but I realize it’s important for you all to know that I am walking by your side in all the same tender and human ways. And like you, I have done what we do in hard times: I’ve kept going. Over these last months, I’ve had to learn to manage PrayerFarm and Alma’s Way without a partner. I’ve had to face deficits in my knowledge — both small and large — where, in my former shared life, we divided and conquered. I’ve been almost completely responsible for parenting Lily and helping her adjust to this change, all the while pushing myself to create a stronger platform for my work and service. In a saner world and with more outside
guidance, I might have taken more time to rest and grieve. I might have laid down some things and picked up MYSELF… I am doing this now.

Seven months in, I’ve come to my senses and am giving myself some extra time to breathe and recover, to dream and to allow Life’s guidance to come forward, and to teach myself to speak from “I” and “me”. For those of you excited about MatrixWalk or starting your Facilitator Training with me this Fall I say: this is on pause until October 2025. In the meantime, I will still be offering sessions, monthly Constellation Events, private Constellations, a couple of retreats and several 6-8 week groups starting in September/October—so, still many ways to work and play together.

In the space I am creating for myself by not teaching, I will be taking my own advice and taking my own deep dive into the important uprisings that come from stillness, silence, and self-care. If you have made it through to the end, thanks for sticking with me and for being part of this precious community—onward. XX Lexi

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