Until I hit 30, I had a very clear idea inside myself that 30 was the magic number. Somewhere along the way I’d formulated the idea that 30-year-olds were real grown ups. I remember nearing 30 and realizing this idea kind of running me…and then I started getting scared. I wasn’t almost there…I wasn’t sure where “there” even was…oh shit.

I apply this concept to marriage as well—there is no “there”. Whatever you have seen on tv, or read in books, novels or self helpers—ALL fundamentally flawed—ALL leave out critical realities…

Marriage is a complex, imperfect, culturally demented mode of personal and collective evolution. Yep. That’s it. Like Life, it’s ugly, imperfect, less psychological than we think, and so much harder than we can conceive (this is a saving grace actually as just like childbirth, if we had a real and true preview, we might just run the other way…)

Marriage is also a beautiful and precious way of knowing Other, of worshiping, of learning to be the best human you can be, of allowing yourself to be known, of knowing…


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